Playing with Fire
by Hillarious Tragedy
Summary: what happens when cockatoo boy meets me? FIRE! total crack, maybe drugs and sugar, dont forget the mountian dew! updated! AGAIN! still insane, duh. fangirls and cosplay. what will i think of next? rating for safety.
1. meet the oc

**ok, ummmmmmm, i am putting myself in this,YAY!!!**

**sasuke: wonderful, i can hardly wait...**

**naruto: -cough-liar-cough**

**sasuke: i think everyone knew that was sarcasm.**

**hey, sasuke, do ya like blowtorches?**

**sasuke: sure, fire is always fun... i guess. or so orochimaru told me.**

**thats so good!! CUZ FIRE IS MY FRIEND :)**

**orochimaru: hello sasuke my deary, dear, dear... dear.**

**sasuke: HI!!!!**

**naruto: I WILL KILL YOU!!!!! **

**orochimaru: sure you will.**

**please dont kill him... yet. i need him for my story. although...**

**- smacks orochimaru on the head with a computer-**

**YEAH!!! HE IS TOTALLY DOWN!!**

**orochimaru: ACK!!! that freaking hurt!!**

**sasuke: you ok?**

**naruto: WOO HOO!! PILE ON DA CREEPY BSTRD!!!!! -jumps on oro bstrd-**

**orochimaru: GACK!!!!**

**hmmmm, oh well, i would luv to join you, but that wouldnt look right...**

**naruto: oh ... oh, eeew!!!**

**so, ummmmmm, lets start the story :) ( by the way, my name in here is shay :)**

* * *

sasuke was at his house, when _she_ attacked, or, more like disturbed everyone. then, the doorbell rang.

" i'll get it!" yelled kabuto. kabuto and orochimaru were staying at sasuke's house, for kicks. when kabuto opened it, there he saw an innocent enough girl with her hands behind her back, so he let her in. that was his _first_ mistake...

" why, thankyou, may i please see sasuke?" she said. and how could kabuto say no? she was down right hot! he led her to sasuke's large room, where sasuke was reading manga.

" sasuke, sir, ma'am, parakeet, this lovely -cough-hot-cough- and nice girl wishes to talk with you." sasuke, looked up from his manga, which was fruits basket (he loves that book!) and saw a pleasant girl.

" fine, leave now kabuto" kabuto scurried away leaving them alone.

"now, what do you want?" he hated being inturrupted while he was reading his favorite book. he then got a good look at what this girl was wearing. a white flared dress, flared at the bottom, and very short then she also had black tights.

"well, i have to tell you my name first, my name is princess shalaylay, or shay for short!"

"ok. very creative name..." he was looking at her very short dress.

"ummmmm, do you like fire?" shay asked. sasuke blinked. that was a very odd question.

"yeah. why?"

" well..." then she pulled something from behind her back, it was... A FLAME THROWER

"uhhhhh, wha- whats that?" sasuke couldnt believe what he saw! a flame thrower?

" BURN BURN BURN!WOO!! HA HA!!!BURN!!!" shay started burning everything in sight! sasuke didnt know what got into this girl, except violence!

" MY ROOM!!!!! ITS FREAKING CRISPY NOW!!!" sasuke looked at his room, shocked. then orochimaru came up to see a... crispy room.

"wha-what ever is going on?" immediatly, shay ran over to orochimaru, looking sincere like a kitten. who doesnt love kittens?

" why hello there darling, do you want to give me your soul?"

" why, no sir i want to... BURN YOU!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" she took out her flame thrower and burned orochimaru.

" IT BURNS!!!!!!! FIRE IS BURNING MEEEE!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHH!!!" he was completely on fire, burning in every spot. that MUST be uncomfortable, if you know what i mean...

" OH MY GOSH!!!!!! SIR, MA'AM, LEADER PERSON!!!!!!" kabuto was in a frenzy! he needed water when suddenly...

" YOU GET TO BURN TOO KABUTO!!!!" screamed the now insane girl. sasuke just looked at her like she was insane, which she was. SHE FREAKING BURNT OROCHIMARU!!!

" yo, hottie! wanna go on a burning spree??" the girl looked totally different now, with black baggy cargo pants and a black top, a very short tank top.then she has black gloves, open at the fingers and black combat boots. she looked like she ran a gang! sasuke stared at the still smolfering orochimaru.

" sure. why not." so they left, sasuke with his fire jutsu, shay with her flame thrower. poor, poor konoha...

**

* * *

**

**well? did you not luv it?**

**sasuke: you burnt orochimaru? **

**orochimaru: but... but fire BURNS!!!!!!! **

**ummmm, duh!**

**orochimaru: I HATE FIRE!!!!!**

**sasuke: and, you told me how much you luved fire... WHY? WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME???**

**orochimaru: awwwwwww, you do care what i say...**

**ssuke: NOT ANYMORE!!!!!! DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!**

**WOO HOO!!! GET EM SASSY!!!!! WOOO!!!!**

**-sasuke burns orochimaru-**

**naruto: YAY!!!!!**

**well, i think there might be one more chappy, maybe. if not, oh well.**

**TOODLES!!! Hillarious Tragedy **


	2. total insanity!

**oh my god!!!! i cant wait for the burning spree!!!!!!! YAY!!!**

**sasuke: so you are adding another chapter.**

**well, i thought it would be fun!!! but just two more.**

**orochimaru: ow...**

**sasuke: your alive? lets fix that...**

**-burns orochimaru-**

**orochimaru: -dies-**

**yay!!**

**naruto: WOOHOO!**

**well, lets get this show on the road!**

**naruto: YEAH!**

**sasuke: sure...**

**ok now, sasuke, dont freak when i say...**

**naruto: OMG!! IS THAT ITACHI???**

**sasuke: OMG!!OMFG!!!WTF!!!HJKWSHVYUBSL!!!**

**naruto: lolz!!!!!!**

**naruto! -burns naruto- i ment to say, YOUR HAIR MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A COCKATOO!!!!**

**sasuke: i hate you all...**

**i love you too sasuke-kun!**

**naruto: -sniff- if you feel that way about me, then fine -sniff- STUPID COLD!!!! -sniff-**

**of course its the cold... well, enjoy!!**

Sasuke followed the strange girl, he really didnt know why he was following her, but didnt actually care. with flamethrower in hand, and uchiha in tow, shay made her way to the akatsuki hideout. sasuke had no idea where she was going, he figured she didnt know either. but she did know, and she wanted some help burning crap. the only other person suitable enough for the job was itachi, sasuke's brother.

"sasuke! dont go in kay!" shay said as she entered, sasuke just stood there confused.

shay looked all over for her target. she saw a fish, someone missing an arm, and a plant. she finally lost her temper,

" WHERE IS THE DAMN UCHIHA!!??" she screamed, and started burning everything. then itachi came out, with a lavender nail polish bottle.

" what do you want? cant you see i am doing something important?" he asked pointing to his wet nails.

" COME ON!!!!! I NEED HELP BURNING STUFF!!!!" shay screamed as she grabbed itachi.

" BUT MY NAILS!!!!!!!! THEY NEED ANOTHER COAT!!!!!!" the startled itachi yelled.

" there will be enough problems with sasuke out there..."

"sasuke?" so the frightened itachi followed shay out and in front of sasuke. this shocked sasuke, seeing his all mighty basterd brother being almost dragged by this... this... girl!

" ITACHI!!! I WILL KILL YOU!!!" he screamed and lunged for him.

" SASUKE-KUN!!!! HOW ARE YOU? my you have grown!" itachi said, embracing sasuke in a bear hug.

"WTF!? HAVE YOU GONE INSANE!!?? LAVENDER SO DOES NOT GO WITH YOUR UNIFORM!!!!!!" sasuke shrieked. shay sighed and grabbed sasuke, dragging him away from itachi. she, was very very irritated.

" ITACHI!!! shut up and move! SASUKE!! shut up and take a shower, you smell like itachi."

" sasuke... your mean! WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE MY SENSE OF AWSOME FASHION!!!! I AM THE PRETTIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!!" an angry itachi yelled at his beloved brother.

" WELL SORRY FOR GOING TO A SNAKE THAT HAS NO FASHION SENSE WHAT-SO-EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" sasuke snapped back.

" SHUTUP OR SO HELP ME, I WILL KILL YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!" that quickly shut both boys up, fo they didnt want to face her wrath.

early the next day, after burning the akatsuki hideout to smoke, they were off to konoha. every 14 steps, sasuke made an attempt to kill his brother. every 41 steps, itachi hugged his brother. every 14 and 41 steps, shay wanted to kill them more and more. soon enough, they met with kakashi, a kakashi who was trying to get jiriaya to sign his new book.

" sup old man!" greeted shay. kakashi looked at who she was with and gasped.

" WHOA!! SASUKE!!! YOU HAVE RETURNED!!!!" kakashi ran over and hugged sasuke, but actually, he was hugging itachi but because of his bad eyesight do to the headband, he couldnt tell.

" youve gotten bigger sasuke!!! and your hair is a tad longer! why are your fingernails lavender sasuke??"

" because i am not sasuke, stupid!" an irritated itachi replied to the oblivious kakashi. kakashi looked confused, and took off his headband.

" why, your itachi!" he exclaimed. itachi saw the sharingan and went insane.

" UCHIHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEATH TO UCHIHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" he screeched and began clawing at kakashi.

" WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??? HE ISNT A UCHIHA!!!!" screamed sasuke, trying to calm his brother down. shay just watched the whole scene, amused... and slightly disturbed.

" BUT HE HAS SHARINGAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!! RED SHARINGAAAAAAAN!!!!"

" I HAVE A SHARINGAN TOO!!!!!!!! BUT YOU DIDNT KILL ME!!!"

" you have the sharingan? r-r-red sharingan???"

"uhhhhh, yeah. you do too." now sasuke just wanted to get away from this insane uchiha. (like he is to talk)

" i have red sharingan??? RED sharingan??" now itachi looked like he was on crack, on drugs, smoking weed, and was possesed by a crazed spirit. most likely, these things were all true. shay ran, to get an exorcist of course, but would be back.

" CAN YOU GET OFF ME YOU DERRANGED UCHIHA!!!!" screamed an unhappy kakashi. itachi stared at him for a minute, and ripped kakashis sharingan out of the eye socket.

" MY EEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" kakashi screamed. at that exact moment gai came.

" did someone say eye??" he yelled, sounding like a super hero. then he began performing the hiemlich maneuver to kakashi.

" DAMMIT GAI!!!!!!! I DONT NEED HE HIEMLICH!!!!"

" whats the hiemlich?" and so gai ran off, while hiemliching kakashi and his eyeless socket. meanwhile, itachi was going insane!

" REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" soon though, shay came back with a highly skilled and cheap exorcist.

" die, ye demon!!" he screeched, drawing everyones curioslty.

" DIE AND SING LULABIES TO BABY DEMONS, SWIMMING IN CHOCLATE PUDDING!!" he screeched yet again. itachi stared at him, and then ate him. sasuke started twitching madly, and shay started screeching about how insane her life was. then itachi went back to his cool, lavender loving, self. but everyone else continued what they were doing. then itachi passed out because of lack of coconuts, and sasuke went crazy, and started rolling around in the grass. shay fell asleep on tree. the next day, would be veeeeery busy.

**OMG!!!!!! that seriously was crack induced!**

**sasuke: your insane!**

**naruto: aah!! insane person!!!**

**SHUT UP! anyway, i have to thank pooh-bear-is-my-hero for the gai and eye thing.**

**sasuke: that just made it seem like you were on crack more.**

**yeah...**

**ok, gimme an idea for the next chapter, i really need it!! GIMME!!!!! it needs to be able to handle my insane-ness.**

**itachi: OMG!!!!!! I ATE AN EXOCIST!!!!!!**

**sasuke: o.O**

**naruto O.o**

**SPLEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! **

**lol, anyway, please read and review!!!!**


	3. eek! the pink fangirl!

**i am so sorry this took so long, and I need to thank hermione42's bro for helping me... **

**wait, what!?**

**sasuke: had to many muffins huh?**

**I guess...**

**itachi: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeemo**

**sasuke: eeeemo bros...**

**um, I'm starting... this has been an unfufilling lead in er what evs...**

* * *

After her unfufilling nap, thanks to Sasuke, Shay decided to burn konoha. Itachi and Sasuke decided to do cosplay because they were bored, so they had to go to a shop in town to look like the people in Fruits Basket. Sasuke was Yuki, and Itachi was Ayame. It was almost a perfect match. For some reason, in another dimension, Yuki looked like Sasuke, and Ayame looked like Orochimaru. I really don't know why. Anyway, back to Naruto-fanfiction land. Shay just wanted to get this over with, so she went on ahead any way. soon they came to a deli in konoha, shay's first target. but, of course, Sasuke wanted a sub so he got one with tomatoes, bologna, cheese, lettuce, and oranges. Itachi just got some cheese with a face drawn on it. suddenly, the cheese began to talk,

" WHAT UP, DOG!?" said the demented cheese. and so, the cheese randomly began dissing the Itachi, just to be dissed back.

" YO MOMMA SO FAT SHE SAW A SCHOOL BUS AND SAID 'HEY TWINKIE'!!!!"

" Oh yeah? yo momma so ugly, she got arrested!"

" Yo momma so stupid, she couldn't even work at a deli!!"

" Oh yeah! well your so cheesy, you make me lactose-in-tolerant!!"

" You're so stupid your disses make no sense!"

" I'll show ya senselessness!!!!" and then Itachi ate the cheese. But suddenly, the deli merchant, miss.DingobugervanGutnbleckin, came out and began screeching.

" ANDREW!!! LITTLE CHEESLET COME TO MEEE!!!!! ANDREW!!!!!!" but Andrew the cheeslet was eaten, so he wasn't found. Seconds later, Shay, Sasuke, and Itachi burned the deli to oblivion. Then they went to Ihop to see how Itachi's business was going. Suddenly, Shay spotted Sakura.

As they approached Ihop, Shay saw sakura by the door, apparently waiting for Naruto.

"EEEEK!!!! ITS THE FREAKISH STUPID PINK HAIRED FORK PERSON!!!!!!" screamed Shay. So Sasuke and Shay ran off to hide behind a tree. Itachi had no idea who she was talking about, so he asked the pink haired girl in front of him.

"Hello there, nice little freak. Could you tell me who-" suddenly, Itachi was cut off by Sasuke, who carried him behind the tree.

"Shush itachi! you will anger the pink evil maiden!" Sasuke warned. "She will rain her retarded pinkness onto your scalp, and turn you into a fangirl!" at this, Itachi went into the fetal position. Fangirls were scary. Especially ones with flame throwers and blowtorches. ( -cough-shay-cough- )

Meanwhile, Shay was deciding whether she should face her fear and kill the pink witch, or run off and then kill her. Sakura was looking at the tree with hearts in her eyes. That was bad. That meant that her fangirl senses were telling her Sasuke was very close. 'Maybe i could make a documentary' thought Shay, 'about a fangirl when she seeks her prey.' Quickly, Shay got out a tape and pushes Sasuke from behind the tree.

Sasuke quickly looked back at shay in surprise, but realized his predicament. there was Sakura, Standing there, Staring. He almost cried. Suddenly, Sakura did what fangirls were known for.

"SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!OMG ITS SASUKE-KUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screeched. She ran over to him and tackled him to the ground trying to hug him. Sasuke went into a trance during all of this, like he always did when his fangirls went berserk. He just stared blankly and angstily into space. Meanwhile, Shay got all of this on camera. Itachi was staring at a certain blonde, who was staring right back.

Yes, Naruto was staring at Itachi. Since Naruto is an idiot, he had no clue as to why Itachi was here. Itachi wasn't sure if Naruto was a girl or a boy. At first, he had thought Naruto was a boy. But then he noticed how feminine Naruto was. No normal boy is that feminine without being gay. Then he wondered if Naruto was gay. Then he wondered about his gender. It was a vicious circle of wondering indeed.

Naruto was too busy wondering if Sasuke and Itachi wear the same emo makeup. Then he saw Yondaime, and ran off to slay the zombie. Shay, meanwhile, had all the footage she needed to make a documentary. But of course she saw a mall, and ran off into it. Now poor Itachi and Sasuke were supposed to defend themselves from the cruel, cold world. This wont turn out well.

(**btw, if you don't know what fruits basket is, either you should get out more or ill have to explain. i don't mind explaining, but fruits basket isn't really that hard to find. )**

**Yeah, i know that was really short. I'm sorry! I can only be so weird and random for so long! Its also a case of laziness. But i hope i update sooner. **

**sasuke: You're the only one that does, too.**

**Itachi: yeah. nobody really cares about this fanfiction.**

**Hm... That may be true, but i have 2 fanfics i need to finish! That is... if they ever finish... Anyway, read and review, please. Reviews help the randomness flow. As always, ideas and suggestions are always welcome!! **

**Oh yeah, and i don't hate Sakura, i just think she is a little... well, shes annoying. There . I said it. Well, anyway, toodles!!!**


End file.
